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Gay
For all questions about '''Who' or What may be Gay, please see:'' The Gay Spectrum The Gays are the single greatest threat facing God's Law, God's Love, America, God's America, American Culture, The American Family, The American Dream, The American Language, America's God and Stephen Colbert today. At the same time, gayness is the single greatest asset to God's American Republican Party, because the gays are so, so very bad and wicked that they never fail to get the godly, American, Republican base all riled up and ready to vote, just in time to Protect Marriage anew with each election cycle. Defining Gay *A transitive property. *Slang for homosapien. *People who aren't married. Ideally they should be herded into Massachussetts. *The wrong choice. *A group of sophisticated, urban It-getters famous for being the first to adopt new trends. *Hector Trevino 2 from Zapata Texas 18 yrs old Zapata High School Religious Positions on Homosinuality *"Gay is a decadent lifestyle choice that many make in order that they can get the nicest clothes, eat at the coolest restaurants, and get persecuted mercilessly for the rest of their lives."- Uncited (likely Jesus or Jerry Falwell, but really, what's the difference) *"In Vatican parlance, that means too gay to be a priest." - Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, 11/30/2005 *"On Tuesday, Pope Benedict released his first major policy initiative. An instruction that states men with deep seated homosexual tendencies could not be priests. While those with transitory tendencies could be. Therefore proving the transitive property of gayness." - Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, 11/30/2005 *"Transitory means temporarily gay, like while you're stuck in prison (or traffic)." - Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, 11/30/2005 *"The Church has a simple rule. If you've had no homosexual encounters for 3 years or more, you can become a priest." - Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, 11/30/2005 Stephen's Various Gay Positions *Stephen offered his provisional support for gay marriage in as a way of bolstering the number of Americans who are married. He would like to provide this "benefit" to the gays just till we get our numbers back up to 50%; then, of course, we would take the right to marriage away from them again. *On a personal level, Stephen congratulates Dan Savage on the success of his book, his marriage, and his family life. As a Christian, Stephen condemns Dan to hell. *Stephen feels there is nothing wrong with being gay for cash. The Gay Menace Homosexual Agenda *Homosexual Agenda *Velvet Mafia Gay Language At some point around the Civil War, the gays got fed up with the leadership of the Confederacy and decided to riot because of something done by or to or because of the great Confederate General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson. No one really knows for sure what happened, but since then the gays have gone on and on about "After Stonewall," so it must have been big. Anyway, "After Stonewall," the gays decided that they didn't like being called "faggots" or "fairies" or "butt-munchers" anymore, and started making up their own crazy names for themselves. Like "gay." And the girl gays aren't "dykes" any more, they're "lesbians." Well, some of them are still "dykes." But if you don't know, you'd better stick with "Lesbian." "Lesbo" is not okay, ever, apparently. Sometime in the 1980's, the fags and the lesbos got together and hatched a scheme to gay up the American language even more by inventing the word "homosexual." Now, with the help of the wordonistas, their homolexographical agenda is turning our dictionaries gay. That's why you can only trust your gut and not reference books. An even more radical brand of gays call themselves "queer." We can't even go into what that means for fear it will corrupt any children who might accidentally read this. see: *Feynglish Gay Politics *100 Hours *Offensive Flag of Unity *Gays in the Military Gay Culture *NAMBLA *Rainbow *Gaylamofascism *Tofu *Gay Bears Gay Marriage *Gay Marriage *Gay Wedding *Canadian Gay Marriage *Slippery slope *The Slippery Gay Slope Gay Adoption *Gay Adoption *Who Will Think of The Children? What Can Be Done About The Gays? God's Love Future Born Again Christians Club Ex-Gay *Ex-Gay *"Reparative Therapy," Exodus, PATH, Homosexuals Anonymous and many other wonderful healing institutions can teach the gays how to properly loath and condemn themselves for a lifetime. Praise Jesus. NARTH The [http://www.narth.org National Association for Repeating Truthyisms about Homosexuals (NARTH)] wants to show you how it's all your Mother's faulthttp://www.narth.com/docs/openletter.htmlThis has to be one of the top 10 truthiest letters ever written, surpassing even St. Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians. The American Psychological Association dismisses their claims that homosexuality is pathological, and disputes the "science" NARTH's claims. Short of an endorsement from Our Glorious Stephen or God Himself, what higher verification of truthiness could they seek? NARTH vs. *NAMBLA: Gay rumble in the Gay jungle? Gaydar Common Misperceptions about Gaiety *Not "born that way" *God never forgives *Not as much fun as it looks *Christians can throw good parties, too - and be snazzy dressers! See Also *Godless Sodomite *Roman Empire *Rome *The American Family *Tumbling *Virginality *Wrestling *Fort Marriage *Jesus Camp *Vatican Notes